if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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