this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
my poor anus
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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