Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
