I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
