I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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