I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
