I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
