I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
