Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
