I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
tell me about the fingering
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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