I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
