he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
