i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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