I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
