I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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