I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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