i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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