Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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