just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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