Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
