You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
