you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
