96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
