I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
