He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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