I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
