What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
