On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
where am i from again
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
