Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
