I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
