She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
