We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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