I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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