i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This house was built for laser tag.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
