tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
