I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
