He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
