But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
