and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
