Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
