Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
one might say we're banned from that church
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
