in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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