My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
