the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
