he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
