I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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