I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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