I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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