I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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