All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i came on her dog
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
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