1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
